And in my eyes all was right with the world.

And in my eyes all was right with the world.

Many years ago I woke up from a numbing dead man walking state of mind. At the time of my entry into the underbelly of humanity I felt there was no hope, no need to try to strive, and I held no dream or thought that my world would ever be bright or right.

While desperately trying to shut down my reason, I began to let go of faith– faith in myself and faith in others.

All was not right in the world. I…who I really was…was fading away into an abyss full of darkness and a drug hazed existence. Addictions sharp teeth and claws ripped and tore at any resolve I once thought I had. All was not right in my world…it was all wrong.

Years of abuse and bitter days of being alone while surrounded by others just like me took its toll. My light was fading, and I was but a shell with near to no viable soul left. All was not right in the world.

Out of the blue on another day just like the last I was given an opportunity to remove myself from the environment I was in. I took that opportunity while the tiny fading light that once was my bright star of a soul began to sing to me a song. A song of hope and perserverance. Could things be all right in the world?

With that realization I held tightly to the thought that it was my choices that were all wrong. I grasped at the idea that it wasn’t the world…it was Me.

With eyes opened to the truth of the matter my ground down strength and desire to be alright in the world began to grow. I COULD be alright in the world!

I look back now and give thanks that I made it through it alive and I look forward and acknowledge that I have come a very long way and have a lot of life to live in this world.

My eyes have been opened…
I am all right…

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Easy Fix.”

And All Was Right In The World

Searching For AGood Nights Sleep


In my endeavors, over many years, to catch a good night’s sleep I have failed at least 80% of the time. Try as I might to get everything done, to clear my mind, to settle in and settle down nothing seems to work when insomnia hits

I have tried herbal teas, valerian, melatonin, over the counter sleep aides, yoga, meditation, sleep music, etc to no avail. No matter what it is I employ to get me to sleep, it seems as if my circadian sleep cycle forgot it is supposed to be a cycle!!! Or rather yet it has failed to even exist!

I toss, I turn, I get back up and turn on the television. I curse, I cry, I pace to and fro…still to no avail. I used to find that wine would make my mind fuzzy enough to sneak in a few Z’s here and there through-out the night, however the after wine headache doesn’t seem to be completely worth it..if you know what I mean.

Sex , and I mean this seriously not negatively, seems to be the one tried and true remedy for insomnia…in my opinion. I know I know…who prescribes sex? And what the hell do you do if you’re not in a relationship of some kind where its readily available? I don’t know what to say to those questions folks. all I know is that according to several articles I have read your bed should be used for sex and sleep only!…/three-questions-about


Makes perfect sense to me! Now on the other hand I guess you’re kind of screwed (pardon the play on words here lol) if you look at it from another angle–If your sex life is such that it automatically puts you to sleep and sleep isn’t what your aiming for then ….Well then I, again, just don’t know what to say!!! It’s a damned if you do and a damned if you don’t kind of situation folks!

Here are a few more helpful websites on getting a good night’s sleep, I hope in the end we all find our own little special (wink wink) ways to put us down for the night


This post is in reference to the DP challenge

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The above photograph, which is also on my about me page,, was a source of inspiration for me when I started to write the thoughts and musings in my head down on paper. Spiritually I am a Pagan and the elements are and always have been a constant inspiration for me. The above picture contains all the elements in perfect harmony; Air, earth, Fire, and Water. 

Air is represented quite simply by its very presence, we many not see it but it is there. Air lifts my mood, it cleanses my head, and refreshes my soul. Water, with its cleaning properties has always represented emotions to me; as our emotions ebb and flow so does water. flowing water is my favorite form that it takes…flowing water can carry things toward us and things away from us. Earth is represented in the photo by the green grass and the rocks that are scattered throughout…some of those rocks were at the front of the glacier push eons ago. Earth, as an element, represents steadfastness, growth, change, fertility and renewal as well as the cycle of life and death. Fire, its presence in the photo is represented by the shining sun that reflects of the surface of the water and beats down on the grass and trees. Fire , to me, represents the catalyst to change. It can be extremely destructive however form the destruction there can be rebirth and new growth. A volcanic eruption can destroy what lies in the path of its lava (fire), later and as time goes by new life will sprout and the cycle will continue. fire also offers warmth and protection and the hearth, where home fires reside, can be the heart of a home.

Inspiration comes in many forms, but today for me (and very often),  the elements represented in this wonderful and earthy photo are my INSPIRATION.

Blessing To You All

Zero To Hero..Why I Blog

I blog because there comes times when I feel the intense impulse to write , to share what is going through my mind at that precise moment in time. if I ignore this impulse it will needle me all day or night until I actually get up and put it down in written words. I do not blog to make money, to force my viewpoint onto others or even to gain thousands of followers (even though followers are a definite added bonus that does indeed stroke the ego and it also pushes one to write even more.)

I began blogging with the intent to create a blog that was aimed toward other aspiring writers, however my blog has turned into not only that but also a journal, my own personal soapbox I guess you could say.

I think those of us who have a desire to write can certainly find their creative outlet in blogging. I have found inspiration not only in posting to my own blog but also in reading the blogs and posts I follow.

I will continue to blog no matter where my writing takes me. I will blog until the day I am too old and crippled to see the keyboard…and at that point I will more than likely just get someone else to post my thoughts and words for me.

Before closing today’s post I would like to wish you all a Blessed Day! 🙂 Write and read on my friends.

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Panic, oh How I Hate The Feeling…

We have all felt panic or anxiety at some point in our lives. It comes in many different degrees; a small jolting moment of oh my God!, to a heart pounding, vision swimming stretch of time that virtually paralyzes you.  As much as it may be different for each individual the fact that it leaves a lasting impression is common to us all.  Today I was slammed with a panic attack that left me reeling, gasping and weakened. And that my friends is what prompted me to write this particular post.

Panic can grip a soul and mind and hold it in a blood pumping, heart smashing and head spinning steely grasp until you feel like you just might pass out…actually you (or at least I did today) wish you would pass out and wake up when its over!  Its certainly one of the most terrifying emotions/feelings/states of mind that humans have to experience.  I generally find it easy to see a glimmer of silver lining in even the deepest of shadowed events but I must admit that it has been a bit difficult to see the bright side of a panic/anxiety attack. I mean really!… what under the canopy of the sky could I find good to say about that rather shitty feeling? Lets break this down if we can and see what we can come up with  shall we?

1.) Heart beats as if it will burst through your chest! 

After a bit of contemplation I guess all I can say is the only time I find this sensation to be ok is during a rollercoaster ride or a walk through a particularly and wickedly scary haunted attraction at Halloween.

2.) The feeling of having to gasp for breath because you can’t breath right!

Wellll folks I am a smoker and extremely allergic to bees so this is just plain and simple NOT A GOOD THING!! Wouldn’t you agree?

3.) Breaking out in a cold sweat.

As I am sure most of us know there are occasions that breaking out in a sweat isn’t a bad thing at all but that is far from a cold sweat , if you know what I mean, wink wink! Oh and there’s that  exercise routine sweat too, that’s good as well.

4.) The feeling of a complete lack of control over the situation at hand.

Not being the master of the direction your going in just sucks! I am pretty sure I can say that none of us care to feel like we are careening out of control over the edge of a chasm with no idea what lies at the bottom. At least not without a parachute, zip line or hang glider to save your ass if you change your mind. Am I right? or am I right?

5.) Unexplainable and intense feeling of Fear.

All I can say here is that in no situation, ever, can I say I would enjoy or have enjoyed this particular nasty emotion. And again I think its safe to say neither can any other sane person. 

So with all that said and after rereading the above list several times I am still unable to find the silver lining or even a glimmer of light in a panic/attack. It is what it is; a horrible and excruciatingly bothersome situation that as human beings ,residing here on this orb we call Earth, just have to deal with in whatever way it is that we can. 

However, what I can do is share with you how I deal with these monstrous events. I repeat a soothing phrase or mantra over and over.  I (if possible) physically take myself to a place I know is safe. If its not possibly physically and the attack has not paralyzed my mind I take myself someplace in my imagination that soothes my soul. And I always try my best to retain at least one thread that connects me to reality and sanity.  Last but not least, always remember that it will pass, there is an end to it. The cause of said attack my yet remain however the intense physical and mental feeling of fear and panic will cease.

In closing I say, thank you for reading my rant and prose. I hope that maybe you may have gained a little insight or a hint to help you if you find yourself gripped in the middle of one of these unfortunate events. We are all human and  though I may not know all of you personally I sincerely wish you all blessings especially in times like the ones described in this post.

P.S.  by the way I just realized that writing can be added to my list of things that help you center and ground and refocus when having a panic attack.  I feel better now than I did when I wrote the first sentence of this page. 🙂

Where My Connection to Divinity Is.

ImageNature is my Church and in all Mother Natures aspects I am able to feel the presence of the All that Is. I have always felt that the base unit or spark that humans grew from is the very same spark that a tree, a rock, a flower etc. has grown from. The difference is the manner in which the first spark manifests itself. But at our most miniscule levels the same energy that animates me is also the same energy that animates the babbling brook, the blades of grass, the ladybug the horse….


I am never one to knock the manner of which an individual or group choose to show their faith or devotion because I respect all Paths to spirituality and enlightenment. I truly understand a persons need for the guidance of a minister, priest or rabbi and I find it wonderful that the fellowship of a congregation does indeed provide a sense of togetherness and connectivity. Structured religions have for many years offered a way for those who follow them to find their way to higher power


I think the differences in the way we seek connection to divinity is reason to celebrate not reason to fight.

Universal Deity and personal deity are different but yet the same. Here’s how that goes… Universal deity is the umbrella where as personal deity is the handle of the umbrella (what the individual grasps to make the umbrella work). Another way to picture this is look at a polished and cut diamond. In its whole it is one stone, but many different facets make up the whole. As we walk our individual paths toward the Diamond we keep focus on the facet before us, this facet is a personal image that we all have different names for; Jehovah, God, Allah, The All etc. However in the end and no matter which facet your focused on its all part of the very same diamond. ! I truly believe that if this idea, ONE DIAMOND DIFFERENT FACETS, could be grasped globally that the world just may be a more unified and peaceful realm in this place we call The Universe.



Solitude can be negative to some and positive to others. For me it is positive.  Its in moments of solitude that I recharge my battery, cleanse away the negative energy I may have gathered or attracted by social interactions and the environment I was immersed in. In these me moments I pull positivity into myself. In doing this I feel refreshed, strengthened and uplifted.  Moments of solitude seem to be a must for me to keep from being totally drained by the demanding world around me.

In a very busy word it can be hard to find a moment to be completely alone with your thoughts. There’s always something that is needling you for your time and attention with no regard to the fact that it is depleting you. What’s crazy sometimes is the fact that oft times some of these ‘things’ do not even realize that they are tapping you out; children, family, husband/boyfriend, pets etc. There are even times when we ourselves do not recognize the root of what is draining us. A drain of energy can happen quickly and, in my opinion, can lead to sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, lack of diet and a host of other physical and mental ailments.  I wish to avoid these things in my life therefore I make a special effort to make time for solitude.

In my moments of solitude I sometimes find little pieces of me that I never knew were there. When this happens  am delighted at the discovery be it a positive quality about myself or something negative that I need to rid/cleanse myself of. I have found that this mental bathing and preening has made me more able to face the world with a strong conviction that what I am doing or saying is right for me.

I grow mentally and spiritually with every solo exploration of myself, and I highly recommend this practice to all people. It can be done in many different ways; a walk alone through the woods or an open field or even along a stream, meditation, candle gazing, and even Yoga, through which you can go into yourself via a series of breathing and stretching exercises.  (please note these are my pathways to solitude and self discovery, every individual blazes their own trail so what ever feels right to you is the way you should go).

Solitude can be a blessing, a time of wonderful discovery and growth. Of course I love the company of others and would like to believe (and I do) that others like my company but without those moments of solitude and introspection I would have nothing left to offer. So recharge yourselves people, never forget to take care of you so that there is always a healthy balance in your life.

Thank you , Jennifer

On Nature and why I call it Church.

     In this diverse world there is a multitude of religious and spiritual paths to lay ones feet upon. Me? I am what I call a Eclectic Pantheistic Pagan.  I revere Mother Nature in all her many aspects. I see the Divine in All that is living and the residual of the Divine in anything the living have made…be it negative or positive.  I need not walk into a specific building to feel the presence of The All That Is. I need not wait for a certain day of the week. I need not be in the company of a congregation. Granted all these things are great  if they are your thing,  so don’t get me wrong…these are not critical statements , they are just simply statements.  

       Nature, to me and many others, is soothing in many ways. It can caress your soul and soothe the physical body as well.  In the garden, on the trail,  on a rock in the middle of a stream or under an oak tree I feel the connection to the Divine. The connection I feel , in my opinion, is due to the fact that what makes these things; the tree, the trail, the rock, the stream, is the very same thing that makes me who I am. The same base unit of energy that developed into these things is the exact same unit that developed into the human being I am. The energy manifests itself in different ways however, in the very beginning the first spark