That sick feeling of paralyzing sadness, that feeling of a ton of bricks sitting on your chest. Even on the edge of great writing success and a wonderful future with great people in it I find myself depressed. I have no exact idea why or over what…it just is. It follows me around and just when I think I have outrun it I turn a corner and it slaps me in my face. Depression, much like addiction in my opinion, is insidious and sly— it lets you think you have beaten it and when you least expect it… it pulls you back under. Actually, I must say that years and years ago when I beat my addictions I found it easier than I find keeping depression at bay. I am generally a happy person, very energetic and upbeat. Shit, for the most part I am the one a lot of people turn to when they feel down! So when depression gets me I truly find it so hard to deal with because its not something I am used to feeling.
In times like this I suppose we have to grit our teeth, plant our feet firmly and stand face to face with this beast called depression and kick its grey dreary ass into oblivion. Not an easy task, I admit, but do-able! I don’t wish to medicate, I do not wish to sleep it away, I do not want to give in! I do wish to stare it in its face and dare it to steal even one more moment from me.
I shall reap the joys of Spring, my garden, my publishing contact, my family and my lover even as depression rides my back! I will kick it or die trying! I will kick it! I will kick it!
The quote above this post says it all!!! Depression does not make us weak and we should be proud that we have been strong for as long as we have been! With faith in ourselves and determination as a weapon this too can be overcome!