Silver Linings by Jenn Deese


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Writing has been an absolute joy for me and when a story gets highlighted or picked to be one of five out of many to be judged in a competition it makes me glow.

I write for many varied reason and winning competitions is not the first on that list; its there but there are many others that take precedent.  I write to inspire, to enlighten, to bring laughter and deep thought to others.  In writing I sometimes find myself being transported into other worlds, places and times. There’s much to be said for writing and why we do it.

The link below will take you to a story I wrote (non fiction, yes that crazy morning actually occurred) for a competition at midlifecollage.com. It was picked with four other great tales to be entered into their weekly writing competition for woman in midlife . Please feel free to follow the link and leave your comments and if you truly do find it worthwhile, I do of course :),  at the bottom of the story there will be a facebook like button …by all means click it! feedback to the judges in the comments area are also welcome as this comments and likes will be taken into consideration when judging time comes on Sunday.

I wish to say this…

My experiences writing here at wordpress.com have allowed me to grow and learn and without this I don’t think that my stories, both fiction and nonfiction would now be getting the focus that they are.

I hope you find time to click on the link and read Silver Linings by Jenn  Deese and I more importantly hope that you too find that every cloud does indeed have some kind of silver lining. 

http://midlifecollage.com/2013/09/silver-linings/ 

Thank you,

Jenn

 

 

Your Childs Talent


I have found that watching my childrens talent blossom is awe inspiring.

I have a twenty something year old who has the crafting and imaginative abilities I always wish I could possess.  Lincy has always exhibited a keen gift in arts and crafts. I look at the things she creates and feel such pride and joy. She glows when she crafts and when she glows so do I.  In her future I see happiness and goal meeting. She will make a mark in this world that will not soon be forgotten. I wish her to be continually Blessed with the oppurtunities to do what she loves.

I also am happy enough to be witness to my stepdaughters baking and cake decorating talents. She blossomed during her four years of baking into a confident and talented young woman with one hell of a bright future ahead of her! To her I wish much success and to those lucky enough to witness or taste the fruits of her labors I say….Enjoy, I know you will!!

In our childrens talents we see their avenues to success unfolding before them and as parents we can only guide them down those avenues and hope that they find joy, happiness and security in life.

I love being able to watch as ALL my children grow into these absolutely awesome human beings. Molly, Joshua, Lincy and Danya I wish you all the best always!!!  You are four of the greatest people in the world to me…never forget that.

 

In A Flame


a fire awesome sight

I am a fire sign so I’ve always been drawn to gazing into the fire. I find the flickering hues to be soothing.  There’s a meditating quality to fire gazing, it regenerates and sparks my imagination.  Fire can mentally burn away things you wish to unburden yourself of. As destructive as fire can be it can also be the catalyst to new starts and new growth.

Many cultures have participated ritually in fire gazing;

“This ancient technique can produce surprising results. Sit before a roaring fire. Ask your question. Gaze into the flames while the fire burns down. Within the flames, or in the sparkling, glowing coals below them, images of the future may appear. Interpret them with symbolic thought. It’s best to limit gazing time to about five minutes, but there’s no need to check your watch. Allow the images to come to you for an appropriate time.” (http://www.angelfire.com/on/wicca/Fire.html)

When I fire gaze I do not force myself to stare intently, I let my gaze gently probe the fire until my focus falls upon a spot that draws me in. 

“The Buddha defined the Fire element as “that by which one is warmed, ages, and is consumed, and that by which what is eaten … gets completely digested.” In other words the Fire element within is metabolism. It’s our energy.”, (http://www.wildmind.org/six-elements/the-fire-element, Bodhipaska, THE FIRE ELEMENT).

Many of us unknowingly fire gaze more often thatn we think. Have you ever sat in your living room and gazed blankly at your fireplace flame…maybe it wasn’t so blankly after all. How about around a bonfire?

Fire draws your gaze to it and when in the future you feel this happening perhaps giving the urge to gaze a moment to settle in and watch the flame may just be the medicine you need.

 

 

 


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One of my Favorite Harvest Celebrations is Mabon; also known as the 1st day of Fall, The Autumnal Equinox. The light and dark are in equal amounts on this glorious day, there is a balance in nature before the darkness begins to win the fight and the sun begins to start its journey into slumber while winter begins to gain its strength. (Please note I am in the Northern Hemisphere for those residing in the Southern hemisphere Mabon is around the 21st of March). The air is crisper in the mornings and evenings, the trees begin to turn their leaves.

From the moment of the equinox the sun begins to diminish in strength while the cold of winter will continue to strengthen until the Winter Solstice in December. On the Winter Solstice the days, the light, will begin to be longer as the periods of dark lessen.

 There are many sources of lore about Mabon, I follow the Pagan traditions myself. But this day is also marked in Greek mythology , Chinese mythology and many many more.

The equinox is a celebration of balance. How is balance playing out in your life? This Sabbath may be a good day to meditate on bringing balance into your life, or retaining a balance you already have. I like to rise in the morning on this day and greet the rise of the sun in my normal manner, maybe take a quick stroll outside in the pleasantly crisp morning and watch as the sun dries the morning dews. We have a garden and considering that Mabon is one of the three Harvest Festivals I like to say my thanks there for the abundance Mother Nature has bestowed upon me, weeding and tending the garden and flower beds is another activity I love doing on this day. If you are a flower planter Mums and other autumn flowers are a great way to celebrate. Decorating the house and hearth with gords and such is another way to set the energy in and around the home in harmony with Nature as well. I like to also do a bit of Fall cleaning with the Besom and cleanse any negative energy while sweeping in positive.

No matter which manner you may choose to nod your head to this day I wish you all Blessings of great joy and may you all be surrounded by healing, harmonizing and balancing energy!

 

 

 

Mabon, the greatness of Fall

SENSITIVE


If I were to give one sense and have another made super sensitive I would give up my sense of smell and have my sight enhanced.

At my age I have smelled a lot of things and though smell is related to taste I think I would manage. I can use my memory of what I have tasted and my imagination to augment my dulled taste due to not having a sense of smell. 

With enhanced sight the world would open up in a myriad of new avenues. My super enhanced vision would possibly allow the ability to see peoples auras easily, energy waves and patterns would become clearly noted through my eyes. The color spectrum would widen, and the intensity of color would be like something straight out of a 60’s hippies diary. 

The distance at which I could see things approaching would finally afford me enough time to prepare for an unexpected visit from in in-laws and relatives, not to mention time enough to shut off all the lights, lock the doors and pretend I am not home when that bothersome person comes  knocking!!!!

The beauty of a flower, a bird in flight, the ocean etc. Would all be enhanced exponentially however the down side of that is that so would all the ugly. But perhaps with this gifted vision gift I would  be able to see through the ugly to what may lie beneath (something I endeavor to do anyway but as we all know …that shit is far from easy).

In closing, I think that super sight would be awesome if it is true that when the end comes there will be signs we all see; With super sight I will see those signs sooner and therefore have plenty of time to bend over and kiss my own butt goodbye!

 

Another Tragedy.


Sadly our nation is being battered yet again by violence. The shootings in DC are horrendous and sad. In an increasingly violent world some may find it hard to hold your faith, to feel safe, or to see the good in world. I just wish to say that as horrific as this is what would be more tragic is for us to lose faith in mankind, in higher power and in our country. Stand steadfast and never let go o…f your grip on faith. With faith we retain hope, in my opinion, and in faith we find security. I offer my condolences to the families of those whose lives were taken today and wish healing to those injured.  And may the remaining shooter be brought to justice quickly and swiftly so that this tragedy can stop and people can begin to heal.

Panic, oh How I Hate The Feeling…


We have all felt panic or anxiety at some point in our lives. It comes in many different degrees; a small jolting moment of oh my God!, to a heart pounding, vision swimming stretch of time that virtually paralyzes you.  As much as it may be different for each individual the fact that it leaves a lasting impression is common to us all.  Today I was slammed with a panic attack that left me reeling, gasping and weakened. And that my friends is what prompted me to write this particular post.

Panic can grip a soul and mind and hold it in a blood pumping, heart smashing and head spinning steely grasp until you feel like you just might pass out…actually you (or at least I did today) wish you would pass out and wake up when its over!  Its certainly one of the most terrifying emotions/feelings/states of mind that humans have to experience.  I generally find it easy to see a glimmer of silver lining in even the deepest of shadowed events but I must admit that it has been a bit difficult to see the bright side of a panic/anxiety attack. I mean really!… what under the canopy of the sky could I find good to say about that rather shitty feeling? Lets break this down if we can and see what we can come up with  shall we?

1.) Heart beats as if it will burst through your chest! 

After a bit of contemplation I guess all I can say is the only time I find this sensation to be ok is during a rollercoaster ride or a walk through a particularly and wickedly scary haunted attraction at Halloween.

2.) The feeling of having to gasp for breath because you can’t breath right!

Wellll folks I am a smoker and extremely allergic to bees so this is just plain and simple NOT A GOOD THING!! Wouldn’t you agree?

3.) Breaking out in a cold sweat.

As I am sure most of us know there are occasions that breaking out in a sweat isn’t a bad thing at all but that is far from a cold sweat , if you know what I mean, wink wink! Oh and there’s that  exercise routine sweat too, that’s good as well.

4.) The feeling of a complete lack of control over the situation at hand.

Not being the master of the direction your going in just sucks! I am pretty sure I can say that none of us care to feel like we are careening out of control over the edge of a chasm with no idea what lies at the bottom. At least not without a parachute, zip line or hang glider to save your ass if you change your mind. Am I right? or am I right?

5.) Unexplainable and intense feeling of Fear.

All I can say here is that in no situation, ever, can I say I would enjoy or have enjoyed this particular nasty emotion. And again I think its safe to say neither can any other sane person. 

So with all that said and after rereading the above list several times I am still unable to find the silver lining or even a glimmer of light in a panic/attack. It is what it is; a horrible and excruciatingly bothersome situation that as human beings ,residing here on this orb we call Earth, just have to deal with in whatever way it is that we can. 

However, what I can do is share with you how I deal with these monstrous events. I repeat a soothing phrase or mantra over and over.  I (if possible) physically take myself to a place I know is safe. If its not possibly physically and the attack has not paralyzed my mind I take myself someplace in my imagination that soothes my soul. And I always try my best to retain at least one thread that connects me to reality and sanity.  Last but not least, always remember that it will pass, there is an end to it. The cause of said attack my yet remain however the intense physical and mental feeling of fear and panic will cease.

In closing I say, thank you for reading my rant and prose. I hope that maybe you may have gained a little insight or a hint to help you if you find yourself gripped in the middle of one of these unfortunate events. We are all human and  though I may not know all of you personally I sincerely wish you all blessings especially in times like the ones described in this post.

P.S.  by the way I just realized that writing can be added to my list of things that help you center and ground and refocus when having a panic attack.  I feel better now than I did when I wrote the first sentence of this page. 🙂

How did I get here from THERE? (repost)


On the edge of insanity I spent many years wasting away  and I cried many tears   while my mind and body slipped into decay. I look back now and wonder how I am even alive, what watched over me during those desperate times?  Was it an inner will power to survive or a guardian from out of our time? I was a wasted away ghost of who I had been, a wisp of a woman whose grasp between reality and delusion had grown so very thin. Addiction is never to be taken lightly; and I took that statement to the hilt.  I took my addiction to the place where you trade in your soul for just one more dose. I would have even sold your soul had you been in my proximity while you slept or behind your back. I was ashamed, I was lost and I was a monster. To cope with these facts the monster I was became bigger until it swallowed me whole, until I fell into the beasts arms with an abandon and I thought I had forgone all hope. Everyday I sunk deeper and had to do more drugs to dull the feelings  within me; guilt, shame, hatred, fear, and rage.  Every now and then through the haze when I let down my guard I heard a voice…Get out , you don’t belong here! Your gonna die if you don’t run away from this! You are not this person!!! I thought what the hell and got higher in a desperate attempt to kill that needling ghost. I was so precariously perched on the edge of no return that I sometimes wished for it to end, for that final push overboard into the abyss of my ever growing addiction.
Suddenly and out of the blue one day through the fog, through the chaos and commotion of what I had let my life become I realized that the choice was mine, NOT MY ADDICTIONS. I had to get out of the pattern of denial and start looking at the root of the problem, start to hold accountable the only person rsponsible for my choices and behaviors…ME. That my friends is the day I began to heal, the very day I took the first step in beating the pattern of addiction, the day I saved my life.
Today I am healthy, been clean from those things many years, enjoying my family,  went back to school and got my 1st degree in psychology, am an aspiring writer, and I love myself. I got here by doing what many have trouble doing…I pointed the finger at myself. You see, I grew up with alcoholics, my innocence was stolen by a pervert, my faith in some men was battered and tortured by brutality but I realized that for as long as I held those things completely responsible for my adult decisions I was only enabling the addiction in keeping control. While I was using there was no alcoholic, pervert or brutal men force feeding me the drugs. I was making that decision, right then and there it was me driving the force to destroy myself, not them. These dysfunctional events and happenings  may very well have predisposed me to a dysfunctional path but it was ME,MYSELF, AND I that decided to perpetuate the misery, to feed that beast, to slowly give up on myself. In my opinion, once we realize who is to be held accountable, where the decisions come from, Ourselves, then and only then can we begin to recover. I got here from there by being truthful with myself and I am proud to say I succeeded and will continue to do so.

Sincerely , Jennifer

A seemigly disappearing quality (repost from august)


In todays ever technilogically advancing age, where human interaction is becoming less and less human; face time, Skype, texting, emails etc. are we losing something? Are we losing our ability to interact face to face? Do these advances in new ways of communicating actually not advance us at all? Are we going backwards as far as real human interaction goes? Are we losing the ability to read expression if it is not given to us in the form of an emoticon?

I don’t know about the majority of you but I liked the days of actually hearing a persons voice on the other end of the phone line. I miss sitting across from a friend and being able to see them, their expressions clearly visible to me, to hold their hand or give them a real hug not just a series of X’s and O’s at the end of a text or email.

Granted the many new ways of communicating are awesome when it comes to long distance relatives, business dealings, and quick texts such as ‘I will be home in five minutes’, (not to mention the times you don’t wish to speak to anyone due to a bad day, or not feeling well). But as it becomes more prevalent do we as a race, as a whole become less human? Do we become less and less emotional creatures and do our emotions become nothing more than electronic blips on the internet?

I am all for advancement ( as long as it doesn’t continue to destroy our planet) but at what cost will it be in the many years to come?

Where My Connection to Divinity Is.


ImageNature is my Church and in all Mother Natures aspects I am able to feel the presence of the All that Is. I have always felt that the base unit or spark that humans grew from is the very same spark that a tree, a rock, a flower etc. has grown from. The difference is the manner in which the first spark manifests itself. But at our most miniscule levels the same energy that animates me is also the same energy that animates the babbling brook, the blades of grass, the ladybug the horse….

 

I am never one to knock the manner of which an individual or group choose to show their faith or devotion because I respect all Paths to spirituality and enlightenment. I truly understand a persons need for the guidance of a minister, priest or rabbi and I find it wonderful that the fellowship of a congregation does indeed provide a sense of togetherness and connectivity. Structured religions have for many years offered a way for those who follow them to find their way to higher power

 

I think the differences in the way we seek connection to divinity is reason to celebrate not reason to fight.

Universal Deity and personal deity are different but yet the same. Here’s how that goes… Universal deity is the umbrella where as personal deity is the handle of the umbrella (what the individual grasps to make the umbrella work). Another way to picture this is look at a polished and cut diamond. In its whole it is one stone, but many different facets make up the whole. As we walk our individual paths toward the Diamond we keep focus on the facet before us, this facet is a personal image that we all have different names for; Jehovah, God, Allah, The All etc. However in the end and no matter which facet your focused on its all part of the very same diamond. ! I truly believe that if this idea, ONE DIAMOND DIFFERENT FACETS, could be grasped globally that the world just may be a more unified and peaceful realm in this place we call The Universe.

Respectfully,
JennTerra